It can be challenging to cope if you have recently gone through a separation. There are many things to think about after the relationship ends, especially when you have children. Although it feels like a daunting journey, don’t despair.
Here are some tips to help you through this journey of new singlehood, parenting, and finances.
- Make Yourself Better
Be the best person you can be through the following ways:
- Forgive Yourself
Cut yourself some slack and stop blaming yourself for what happened. You may have some shortcomings that contributed to the separation, but it doesn’t mean you’re the only person to blame.
Forgiving yourself and accepting the tragedy is the first step in moving on with your new life. Also, forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ll be making in the future as a single mother. Parenting can be a challenging job. Give yourself a break because no one has perfected parenting yet.
As you forgive yourself, forgiving your ex would be easier for you. Keep in mind that nobody is perfect, and it’s human to err.
- Improve Your Relationship With Your Ex
You may detest your ex now, but creating a better relationship with him will not only benefit you but your children as well. It’s crucial to develop an amicable co-parenting relationship with your ex for the benefit of your children.
Co-parenting is key to a healthy relationship with your ex. There are some cases where couples who have separated and living in the same house maintain their friendly relationship for their children’s well-being.
Improving your relationship with your ex will show that you are more mature and forgiving, a sign of being a better person.
- Surround Yourself With Positive People
Other people may judge you and say odd things about you. That’s out of your control, but you can control how you respond to those people. When people say something about you and your separation, ignore and don’t linger on it.
Instead, surround yourself with positive people who will support you through these challenging times. Be willing to cut off people who judge you for your situation, even if they are family members or friends.
Find people who have gone through a separation or support groups that advocate for people in the same situation. They could help you and give you support in your trying times.
- Try Something New
It’s usual for newly separated mothers to feel lonely and unloved. Don’t let this unfortunate event in life get the most out of you. Instead, get to know yourself better.
Explore a new hobby that excites you. There might be something you wanted to try in the past that you didn’t pursue; this can be the best time to try it. Now that you’re single again, the world is your oyster.
But be sure to be cautious and don’t do anything out of revenge or hatred. It might cause you more harm than good.
- Reward Yourself
Appreciate all the hard work that you’ve done and will do in the future. Don’t be hard on yourself and reward yourself for all the struggles you’ve overcome. Take care of yourself because no one else will do it for you.
A little day-off will do you right. Spend some time with your friends over dinner or book a relaxing spa appointment. If those go beyond your budget, a simple dip at the bathtub to help you relax will do. Remember, you deserve it more than you think.
Always practice self-love and respect. This will put you at ease and make you feel good about yourself. Be mentally and physically prepared for all the challenges that might come your way. Don’t lose hope, for you have conquered a lot.
- Prioritize Your Children
Your children always come first. Here are a few ways on how to guide them during difficult times.
- Listen To Your Children
Your separation may be hard for your kids as it is for you. Encourage your children to speak about how they feel about the separation. They might feel grief, loss, and resentment. Worse is they might think it’s their fault their parents separated.
Children might be hesitant to express how they feel. So, you must assure them that you understand what they’re feeling and encourage them to be honest. Let them know that what they’re saying is important to you and you value their thoughts.
Acknowledge what they feel and never dismiss them. Show your children that you care so they know they can trust you. You may not fix their problem right away, but you must make them feel loved and valued.
- Assure Them That It’s Not Their Fault
Children might blame themselves for your unfortunate separation. They might think it’s because of their behavior or something they have done wrong in the past that upset you. These can take a toll on your children’s well-being.
You must set the record straight. Explain with caution the reason behind your separation. It’s best for your children to know about it and be assured it’s not their fault. Always point out how much you love them, and the situation will never change that fact.
Talk to them often and remind them that they’re precious to you and they aren’t to blame for what has happened between you and your ex.
- Consider Co-parenting
Co-parenting is the act where two parents raise their children together even though they are no longer romantically involved. Co-parenting after separation may not be easy, but it’s recommended.
Think of this relationship with your ex as a new one, a relationship entirely dedicated to your children and not about you. Your children’s well-being should always be in your best interest. The marriage might be over, but your relationship with your children isn’t.
The key to a successful co-parenting relationship is to put your children’s needs ahead of your own. Through this, your children will feel secure and have a better understanding of your situation. They’ll feel loved, accepted, and have better self-esteem.
- Spend Time With Your Children
Being a single mother can mean many responsibilities, but this shouldn’t hinder you from spending quality time with your children. Kids of separated parents may feel abandoned and neglected after the separation.
It’s recommended to allot a special time with your children. You can include this in the co-parenting agreement with your ex. Children would greatly appreciate having dinner with both parents, or even a simple bonding time together will do.
It’s vital to show your children that you have excellent and healthy dynamics with your ex. This will also assure them they are taken care of and not neglected.
- Improve Your Finances
Providing for your children is your responsibility. Some financial tips to consider are the following:
- Budget Your Monthly Expenses
It’s easy to say that you should budget your monthly expenses, but it’s not easy to stick to that budget because you focus on getting through the day. Sticking to a budget is easy if you have a goal in mind.
The first step is to figure out your monthly income and your monthly expenses. Then, you can use the 50/30/20 budget method:
- 50% of your income goes to all your expenses such as bills, mortgage, and food
- 30% for extras like clothes, gifts, and vacations
- the last 20% goes to your savings or to pay off your debt
Be realistic with your budget, and don’t go overboard with what you have.
- Get Your Debt Under Control
Debts, including credit cards, can be a burden. Break the habit of relying on your credit cards because they charge hefty interest rates and fees. You might end up in a bottomless debt hole.
But if you’re in the situation already, try to research on ways to help you deal with them. You can use various strategies to eliminate debt. Try which one works for you.
- Find Ways To Increase Your Income
Having an extra job or a side hustle can help you grow financially. Sometimes, working a single job is not enough to support your family’s needs. Be open to working more if it allows you to increase your income.
Think of ways you can make money. Use your talents to earn more. If you have a gift for singing or dancing, try to create videos of yourself and upload them on social media platform where you can monetize their views.
Another way of increasing your income is by learning a skill. It’s always good to invest in yourself. For instance, you can learn how to bake and sell what you made. You can also start a small business with the skill you’ve learned.
- Plan Your Future
Once you get the hang of your budget, you can now look toward bigger goals. These goals include your retirement and your children’s college education. Secure your future by saving up for these important goals.
You can start a trust fund for your children and life insurance for yourself. By these, you can ensure that your children’s future is well-intact and you can see a better retirement for yourself without worrying about your finances. Secure your future before it’s too late to do so.
It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the circumstances. But with the help of these tips, you’ll be able to overcome these struggles and emerge stronger in life.
Always focus on the positive. Look forward to a fresh start, not thinking only about yourself but your children as well.